Grapes & wrath

Hello Friends,
Well, a nice thing to start off with, as I've started harvesting our grapes this week. People are always surprised when I say that I grow grapes here in the East Midlands, especially as our greenhouse is unheated. Actually, it isn't all that difficult. I think the proper way to do it is to plant the vine just outside, then cut a hole in a lower pane of greenhouse glass to train the vine inside so it is protected from frost, but the roots have free access to the soil & rain. I'd like to say I do it this Clever Trousers way, but my grape vine - a 'Black Hamburg', which I received as a 'new greenhouse' present in 2003 is in a pot. OK, it's a large pot....60cm diameter & 50cm tall. I planted it in ordinary multi-purpose compost mixed with out home-made garden compost & it hasn't been re-potted since then. Every year, it receives a top-dressing of garden compost in autumn & a layer of worm compost in spring. Apart from that, it just gets a dose of tomato feed or home-made comfrey liquid whenever I feed the greenhouse veg during summer. I'm sure there are whole tomes written about growing grapevines. I do take off any really silly little bunches to let the bigger ones thrive, & I occasionally snip off a few grapes if the bunch looks overcrowded, but only if I can be bothered. On the whole, the vine looks after itself, & withstood winter temperatures of minus 16 a couple of years ago. 

The grapes are not always as big as the supermarket ones which have been grown in hot countries, but they are sweet & juicy and it's really satisfying to be able to go out there & pick a bunch you've grown yourself.

So if you have access to an unheated greenhouse & haven't tried grapes, give them a go! It doesn't have to be expensive to buy a vine - I've even seen them on sale outside Aldi, with the bedding plants! One thing I haven't tried is making wine from them. None of them make it that far as I'm too fond of eating them!

That's the grapes.....now for the WRATH!! Yesterday, being a Very Useful Engine, I texted the Big Hairy half of the relationship to warn him that if he came straight down the garden when he got home from work to be sure to avoid the enormous heap of cat poo left on our lawn. To make absolutely sure he didn't have a horrible evening cleaning a disgusting mess off his shiny size 11s, I even mentioned it again when he phoned me about something, & made sure he knew it was right next to the stepping stone path where it would be very easy to walk in. That's how I am, you see. Thoughtful. To say this was 'stealth poo' would be a misnomer. Nothing 'stealth' about this. This was a feline with a grudge, completely blatant......a positive Silbury Hill of poo. How I wish now with hindsight that I'd cleared it up. I didn't feel too lively yesterday though, & cleaning up cat poo did not feature anywhere on my list of preferred tasks.......which is how I found myself a few hours later standing in the greenhouse thinking that the neighbours' dog kennel was smelling particularly ripe, when I thought .......'NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!'........but yes, I had. And if there's anything worse than treading in poo, it's not realising you have trodden in poo so that you spread it around & have more of the bloody stuff to clear up! So instead of my lovely afternoon of gardening today, that's what I've had to do! Even with a Jeyes fluid solution at 3 times its usual strength, I still had to wear gardening gloves, then wash them, & I still can't guarantee I won't throw them in the bin tomorrow. I don't have OCD. I have CCWSS. ("Can't cope with sh*tty shoes" disorder). My shoes have been disinfected 4 times despite only one shoe being affected. They have been quarantined down the shed until I decide they are allowed in. I can tell you that if it had been dog poo, I would have thown them in the bin, as happened some years ago with a pair of new trainers. Really, straight in the bin! I bought them when I mistakenly thought I might enjoy taking up badminton. As soon as the aforementioned dog-based cotamination occurred, I took them off, threw them in the nearest bin & drove home in my socks. That marked the end of badminton for me.....not just that I'd have to buy new trainers, but that none of my badminton opponents happened to share my view that 10 mins of jumping around followed by 50 mins sitting on the sidelines with a diet coke & a Bounty bar was a worthwhile use of an hour's court booking fee!
So what a waste of an afternoon! I was so utterly mad. Still don't know who the culprit was. I'd like to think it was more likely to be Ginger, Tabby White-Paws, BGF, the Tabster, 'Ungry Blackie or any of the other neighbourhood mogs, but I have to say that Albert Whiskers did have a particularly smug look about him yesterday morning, so he is definitely not yet in the clear......

.....and now I must go & do something for dinner which involves aubergines. Tomorrow will have to be another picking & cooking day, I think.
Hope everyone's having a good week,
C x