Albert Whiskers: End of Summer Report

Hello Friends,
Hope everyone is so far remaining lergy-free. As soon as school term starts in September, it seems to unleash the first wave of germs intent on lergifying the lot of us one way or another. French onion soup recipe at the ready here for first signs of the sniffles!

Albert Whiskers has now been with us since June. Several people have asked how he is getting on. The Verdict:

Albert Whiskers' End of Summer Report

Attitude to other cats  E : Tendency to confront outlanders regardless of size, seniority or odds on a positive personal outcome. Needs to learn that cats peacefully traversing the garden on their way home are not staging a hostile takeover bid & do not therefore require a major anti-terrorist response.

Attitude to humans B+ : Generally very good, but dropped marks for nipping at the Big Hairy One's feet, ankles & elbows if breakfast is late appearing. Loves strokes & fuss. Full charm offensive used on visitors, neighbours & the vet, who was unable to listen to his heartbeat properly because he was purring so loudly!

Communal living C+ : As an ex-street cat, Albert Whiskers is doing pretty well, but needs to learn that his gung-ho behaviour affects everyone in the house. Furry Alarm Clock Services at 5a.m are NOT required, neither is a 3-seater sofa provided for his sole personal use -  the clue is in the available amount of seats. Room for improvement around the whole area of respect for people's property. There is no need to begin every morning by killing the doormat & people's knitting should not be fished out of its basket & batted around the conservatory regardless how boring it is waiting for dinner time. A very promising start, considering his street-cat background, but Albert Whiskers needs to work on keeping unhelpful claws & teeth to himself.

Food Matters C- : In fact, nothing matters to Albert Whiskers more than food. After an excellent '100% plate clearance' start, he is now failing to engage fully with the 'Love Food, Hate Waste' campaign in operation at the 'People & Cats Republic'. A dominant trend has emerged which is to gobble all the jelly or gravy, then refuse to eat the meat because it is dry. Appealing to his better nature to 'Think of all the poor cats in Greece' has been met with contempt, & it is with regret that he has been placed in 'Special Measures' for food. Early signs are quite hopeful. Albert Whiskers needs to learn that the only food thrown away here is the very occasional orange which has morphed into blue fur overnight, NOT perfectly good cat food because someone has chosen to eat all the jelly on purpose to make it dry.

Ornithological studies B : Not all that interested to date, thankfully. Prefers ready meals.

Personal hygiene A : Excellent. Grooms regularly & thoroughly. No insalubrious habits. Likes his white fur to look pristine. Keep up the good work, Albert Whiskers!

Communication skills A+ : Communicates very clearly, both verbally & non-verbally, employing a swift head-butt to the back of the knee for emphasis. Would be a highly suitable candidate for Meowing A-Level & beyond.

Entertainment value A+++++++ : Both a highly entertaining addition to the household, as well as an impressively cheap date, as he genuinely prefers a piece of scrap wiggly string to bought cat toys.

Common sense E : Picking fights with bigger cats, trying to sit on people's feet when they are in the process of going downstairs & throwing himself down full length on the kitchen floor in the direct path of people carrying cauldrons of boiling jam are just 3 indications that Albert Whiskers was at the back of the litter when the common sense gene was being passed on. Being told to 'Oy, shift it, Matey' is very often for his own welfare, not part of a shady underground movement intent on denying sustenance to cats or confirmation of Daily Heil view on 'Health & Safety Gone Mad'.

Overall comment: Despite a disadvantaged background, Albert Whiskers has settled in extremely well. A couple of areas still require work - getting out of Special Measures' on cat food should be seen as a key personal goal for the coming weeks.

Exhilerated by the tensions of a recently watched Scandi-crime drama.

Engaging with a lively household debate on regional devolution for the UK.

Visibly gripped by a recent episode of Dr Who.

Getting thoroughly into the carnival atmosphere of 'Last Night of the Proms'.

So.......for everyone who has asked us, THAT is how Albert Whiskers has been getting on in his new home!
Till next time....which will be a round-up of successes (yay!!) & failures (boo!!) in the veggie garden this year and thoughts on whether Grow your Own is any more economical than buying it all in & saving ourselves the effort.
Wishing you all a great weekend,
C xx