The Wanderer returns.......

...........or should that be The Very Naughty Cat?

Hello Friends,
Well, a sunny chilled out gardening morning turned into a stressful day as we dealt with The Strange Disappearance of Albert Whiskers. He'd had a nice enough catty morning. A large portion of particularly trouty gunk, two or three hours lazily patrolling the garden, rooting around in his spring den & explaining the concept of hedge ownership to Felix...................... & then he vanished! 
At 2pm, we realised we hadn't seen him since before lunch & commented how unusual it was. 
At 3pm, he still hadn't turned up, & that was distinctly odd, as Tummy Time usually kicks in about then & he likes to stay close to the kitchen in case there's any danger of anyone opening the fridge. Checked the house thoroughly in case he'd found a sunny, hidden little spot. He hadn't. 
4pm. Still no sign. The Big Hairy Half of the Relationship went out to check the shed. I checked the washing machine cupboard, as for some reason it has been the lifetime ambition of all the cats we've owned to excavate the furthest reaches of its dank cobwebby depths. 4 hours might not seem like a long time, but this is totally out of character & that's the worry.
5pm. We go upstairs to check over neighbours' gardens as far as we can see. Albert Whiskers is predominantly white. He isn't very good at camouflage (although I suppose he may come into his own when we next have some muddy snow), & he isn't in any of the gardens we can see.
5.10pm. Missing over 5 hours. I can't tell you how unusual this is. If Albert Whiskers isn't fed by 5pm sharp, he starts nibbling our trousers. Or tights. Or actual legs. This is so out of character. Decided to walk the length of our street to call him, trying to look through into gardens at the same time. Absolutely no sign whatsoever. This week is going to be stressful enough with the new clutch/gearbox problem & the multiple ££££-signs this is going to involve, without a lost cat. Trying to get a grip but am now stressing!!
5.20pm. Realised that a neighbour has been cleaning his caravan all day. Visions of furry stowaway. But no, he says he hasn't seen Albert at all today.
5.30pm. I check the shed again, even though it's already been checked & there's nowhere he could hide. I fetch the 'Dreamies' jar & walk around the garden shaking it. I have never known Albert Whiskers not to come running at the sound of the 'Dreamies' jar.....he even thinks cornflakes,  pistachio nuts, buttons, basically anything vaguely small & rattley might be 'Dreamies'. It never fails. But he doesn't come.
5.45pm. I decide to search along the street parallel to ours in case he's got onto that via any of the gardens opposite. But if he did, he isn't there now.
6.00pm Still no sign. There's a roast chicken in the oven. Albert never usually takes his eyes off the kitchen window if he goes outside when there's a Sunday roast in the offing.
6.15pm. Missing for over 6 hours. Absolutely utterly unheard of for Albert Whiskers. 
Then we suddenly spot our other neighbour beckoning us over the garden wall.
All that stress we'd been feeling? The pavements I'd trudged looking for him? The plans to knock all the houses on our street tonight to ask for sheds & garages to be checked.......that worst of all horrible feelings, that maybe we should walk down to the main road to see if he has met with an accident?

"Are you looking for your cat?", said our neighbour, "because if you are, he's in here. He's been asleep all afternoon on a chair & he's refusing to go home".
"What do you mean 'refusing'", we said, "Just send him home".
"Well, we would do", said neighbour, "but he's made himself comfortable on a chair & every time we try to move him, he grumbles at us".
We are now both apologising for his bad behaviour.
"Is he on a cushion?" I asked.
Oh, & guess what? He was! 
"Well, lift it up & tip him straight onto the floor. He can growl all he likes, but he won't bite you".
Neighbour went in (the whole family are there now, it's like a sort of feline eviction roadshow........a mobile phone is produced with a photo showing how comfortable he'd made himself) & a minute later, Albert Whiskers finally emerges onto their patio.
He managed to squeeze through the gap in the chicken fence.......too much Albert & not quite enough gap.....& reluctantly came indoors for long enough to make a dint in his dinner of 'Encore'. Yes, I know he really only deserved bread & water, but we were so relieved to see him.
And after his plateful of One Of The Most Expensive Tins Of Cat Food Money Can Buy, what did he do?
He exited our clearly substandard horrid home via his flap, trotted across the courtyard, squidged through the chicken fence & went to press his traitor's nose up against our neighbour's patio doors to try & regain entry! I am pleased to report that his charm offensive failed & as I write, he is back slumming it by the fire here at 'Hagstones'.
BLOODY CATS!! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em!!
Cat stress. Dealt with.
Car stress. Ongoing.
Till next time,
C x