Give me strength!!.......All day with Albert Whiskers on 'wet playtime'. I've somehow managed to get most of my job list done, despite Cat Help. I've never yet found the performance of ANY practical task to be improved by the addition of feline assistance & I doubt I ever will. Despite everything (more of today's furred delinquency later), I've managed to make & hang my Christmas Wreath.
I always used to buy one, but having taken one apart to inspect construction, it seemed ridiculous not to have a go myself, as I have a garden full of greenery. I kept the frame from the one I dismantled & it looks like this:
A quick squish around the garden in the rain produced a basket of green........mostly spotted bay laurel, with some sprigs of manky conifer, holly, fir & 'shrub that looks like holly, but isn't'.......(not actually its botanical name!).
My other bits of high end equipment for this? A few foraged fir cones, some shiny red pound shop baubles & a roll of wired red ribbon from the same establishment..........all re-used from last year's supplies........
......& a roll of wire we had in the shed. That's it. It's the greenery that's key here. If you don't have much in the garden to use, get your wellies on & go for a bit of a forage. Good for the soul AND the wallet. Most cut evergreen stuff seems to last 2 or 3 weeks outside. I sprinkle mine with water if it looks like it's considering turning its toes up.
OK, so all you do now, is pick your most boring greenery to pad out the wire ring, cutting short lengths of wire to secure it where necessary. I used expiring conifer for that. Then continue to wire in pieces of green Yuley Loveliness, saving your best pieces for last, wiring on fir cones & baubles as you go. Finish with ribbons & hang. Greenery miles = approx.100 feet (though I concede that the pound shop ribbons & baubles were probably made in China). It isn't difficult because if it all looks as though it's going to fall apart, just stick a load more wire on it. Same principle as bras - underpins the action & keeps it all going in vaguely the right direction!
Anyone who saw Albert Whiskers in action today would quite rightly wonder how I managed to get anything picked, let alone knocked into a garland. This has been him today: I rushed upstairs to close bedroom door to prevent picking out of rancid claws on bed to find he was already on there. I swear he head-butted the cat-flap to fool me into thinking he'd gone out. Refused to get off bed. Had to lift him off & deposit him by the door where he reversed back & we had a repeat performance; Licked all the jelly off his breakfast & refused to eat the chunks; Meowed pathetically for my lunch. Was given some. Left it untouched on the sofa. Also meowed for coffee (x 3), a satsuma, crisps, a jammy ryvita & a tea-towel. Kept jumping on the yarn while I was stitching up a hand-knitted jumper (which is for a gift & has already been mended because he clawed it out of my knitting basket to play with). Meowed to go out of the front door (apparently cat-flaps are for wimps). I opened it. He ran upstairs instead. I locked the door back up again & had no sooner put the key away when he re-appeared & meowed to go out again. Opened it again. Ran out. Instantly ran round & sat under the lounge window yowling to be let back in. (Hard luck this time, matey, because I'm not moving!) He then proceeds to jump onto our front wall & meow piteously at all passers-by to let them know how badly he is treated, look its December, it's drizzling & I'm all alone out here because nobody cares & they don't feed me. USE YOUR BLOODY CAT FLAP!! Managed to get jumper finished. Head upstairs to wrap it. Checked I'd definitely re-locked the font door. He hears the handle & is there like a shot - meow, meow, meow, Oh please let me in, hard-hearted cat-hating one. I unlock & open the door. He just sits outside on the door mat & refuses to come in, & I swear he is actually smiling. No interest in coming down the garden with me to pick festive greenery....................until I'm back inside & the door is locked. Then, going in the back garden is suddenly his life's ambition, & no, he can't go through his cat-flap because he isn't a loser. Refuse to open the door. Start to construct wreath. For some reason, he thinks I'm serving up his dinner. Starts winding round my leg. No dinner forthcoming (those chunks are dry because YOU HAVE SUCKED ALL THE JELLY OFF!! I HAVEN'T SUCKED THEM. YOU DID IT!!) The leg-winding is now turning into leg-nibbling. Luckily I'm wearing jeans today, so it isn't as disconcerting as it is when I've got tights & boots on. However, I know from experience that a session of leg-nibbling can soon escalate into a chomp. Offered to play an impromptu game of Mousie to encourage him to burn off a bit of energy. Mousie is also apparently for no-marks today. Straight onto the windowsill instead to size up the cabling behind the TV unit. This is an area thoroughly verboten to cats, so naturally Albert Whiskers thinks it is some sort of magic grotto. He has also thought about going up the chimney. Now he is busy telling the Big Hairy Half of the Relationship who has just arrived home, how that I haven't fed him & he's almost starving away to a stick cat ........but it's consistent 'parenting' in this house today, because I've just heard the BHHOTR telling him that no new food is being opened for naughty jelly-lickers, so he'd better start making some serious inroads into those chunks RIGHT NOW! This is not unusual behaviour. This is Albert Whiskers on pretty much all wet days..........& some dry ones. <Sighs>
Off to the kitchen to make a quiche now......give it 10 seconds & he'll be rocking up meowing for pastry.......
Hope you're all starting to feel at least slightly festive, anyway.....& that your furries are better behaved than ours.
Till next time,
C x
Do you think a snow leopard would be better behaved?
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