Seasons of Mist & Bloody Butternuts.......

Hello Friends,
Well, after two days of rain, I managed a couple of hours in the garden today & even found enough flowers to fill a vase.

I pruned the grapevine, brought all the agapanthus & pelargonium pots under cover & cleared away the squash vines......................which beings me to the whole subject of bloody butternut! Great to cook, lovely to eat.....sweet, filling & versatile.......but to grow? They are complete bandits. I've conducted a bit of a (not very) scientific study this summer & my conclusion is that any progress or otherwise is totally random. 

Some years ago, a lovely colleague with whom I used to work brought me a butternut squash plant. "Just plant it out", she said, "and it'll romp away, & by Autumn you'll get a couple of lovely squashes from it".  I planted it, it romped, the two fab squash were duly forthcoming. Result! Subsequent attempts to grow butternuts myself were spectacular fails. Seeds didn't germinate, or if they did deign to appear, they wibbled around for a week or two then carked it. If I got plants to the potting out stage, they'd get the sniffles within a fortnight. If (& it was a big 'if') I got one to the great Big Vine Stage, it would refuse point blank to set any fruits. This year,  I acquired a free packet of Butternut Squash 'Avalon' seeds so decided to conduct a bit of an experiment to find out just where exactly these temperamental critters do prefer to live. This is what happened:

6 seeds sown in May in unheated greenhouse. All 6 germinated. <Stands back in amazement, hair stands on end!>
All 6 seedlings made sturdy plants, which were potted on & grew brilliantly well. My butternut confidence is rising daily.......with a tiny sprinkling of  'smug'.
Now for the experiment. At planting out time, I selected a variety of different sites.
Plants 1 & 2 went on top of a full compost bin. Squash are greedy feeders & this is supposed to be a good place for them.
Plant 3 went in a veggie bed which has sun for half a day & shade for the other half.
Plant 4 went in a veggie bed in almost completely full sun.
Plant 5 went in a tractor tyre filled with a mix of soil & our home made garden compost.
Plant 6 went into the greenhouse border (unheated).

The watering & feeding regime for all the plants was identical: Daily watering throughout the dry weather & diluted tomato food or our own comfrey liquid as soon as fruits had set.............which meant that No.1 never got anything to eat because it went seriously pathetic & carked it. No.2 started going the same way so I moved it to a raised bed. It whimpered for a few more weeks, then put out a reasonable vine, before also carking it big time. No.3 did absolutely nothing. It sat there until the end of August then decided to grow. Upwards! It climbed up through the middle of the runner beans before emerging victorious at the top but steadfastly refused even to produce any flowers (even a saddo male one!) let alone any fruits. I yanked it up & composted it. No.4 had a really prime spot, but was it grateful? Yes, if putting out one weedy vine before succumbing to mildew is a recognised sign of squash gratitude. Bloody butternuts! Can you sense how I was starting to take it personally? Because I really was! Now, No. 5 was in that enticing soil & compost mix in my big recycled tractor tyre.....surely that one did OK? Well, yes, it did.......if you want one colossal vine which sprawls the length of your entire herb bed, out the other side & onto the lawn. If what you wanted was an actual butternut squash though, tough! Loads of flowers & 3 or 4 small fruits.......which took agin me, withered & fell off out of nothing other than pure unadulterated spite.........which brings me onto No.6 ....  which was clearly a triffid in a former life. It shot out vines right left & centre, over 15 feet of them, & proceeded to annexe the greenhouse. It had flowers, both male & female, which made actual procreation seem at least hopeful. It set a fruit.......which fell off. It set two more fruits........which also fell off........it set another fruit which STARTED TO GROW.............then got furry plague & exited soggily stage left. Then.....fanfare, please (Triumphal March from 'Aida' would not be inappropriate at this point), a PROPER BUTTERNUT WHICH DOESN'T FALL OFF OR DISSOLVE OR WITHER OR HATE ME..............BUT ACTUALLY GROWS!! 

AND HERE IT IS:

 That's a hand-sewn raw silk/linen mix cushion it's sitting on, you know! So the conclusion of my non-scientific study into the preferred location of butternut squash plants is that their preferred site is anywhere except this garden, thank-you very much. I'm sure some of you have grown some great ones but if you have, (especially if you are married to my sister-in-law!), I don't want to know!
As for this pampered specimen, I cut it today & it is awaiting its fate as star ingredient in a big panful of Hairy Bikers' Lentil & Butternut Curry.

I've got this out of my system now & will not moan about bloody butternuts again. I don't want to waste my time on them again, but I bet I still sow some next year.
Love to all,
C x