Six things NOT to say to an arachnophobic!

Hello Friends,
Well, here it is, the time of year when damp autumnal foliage & fence posts are festooned with these.

Lovely to see, aren't they? Can't help but admire both the technical construction & aesthetics. I find myself doing quite a lot of admiring, but only if the Resident is currently AWOL. I have pretty bad arachnophobia. Even typing the first half of that word, 'arachno.' makes me shiver, as the adrenaline response automatically kicks in. My arachnophobia was learned as a child and I'm sorry to say has not lessened as an adult. It feels truly ridiculous, but we all have our limits. I have friends who freak out at the thought of a bird falling down the chimney, or a mouse running across the floor. No problem! I can catch mice & birds without batting an eyelid......or bats, large furry moths, ferocious looking beetles, all fine. My phobia relates only to critters with eight legs.....excluding octopii.....(especially when done szechuan-style with bucket-loads of chilli).

With my life-long dread of spiders, I can tell you that there are certain pieces of helpful advice which I've heard time & time again. I decided it's time to compile a definitive list of........

Six things never to say to an arachnophobic

1) "It's far more scared of you than you are of it".
It really isn't.

2)"It's barely half an inch across".
Irrelevant. Size isn't everything. If an arachnophobic can see the familiar 'blob with eight legs' outline, it will be sufficient to trigger a response.

3)"Have you ever considered aversion therapy?" (Usually followed up by explanation of how this would involve looking at pictures, examining caged beasts & eventually letting tarantulas sit on my arm)
No! I don't want to get up close & personal with spiders. Ever. I  don't want them to come in my house. If there's a scheme anywhere for how to achieve that, I might be tempted to kick in my course fees.

4)"It's ok, Babe, it's nearly dead".
'Nearly dead' is not 'Actually dead'. There is a subtle biological difference. 'Actually dead' is still pretty scary & needs removing pronto. 'Nearly dead' is NOT DEAD AT ALL. It's toying with you, waiting for you to get brave, then waving a leg or resurrecting itself more fully & charging your chair. A variant of this Thing Never To Say To An Arachnophobic is "It's that time of year,  they're just coming indoors to die". Look, we have a decent-sized shed, a 130 foot garden & other perfectly good houses as alternative arachnid death sites on either side of us. There is no need for their end of life histrionics here.

5)"Have you seen those long-handled spider-catching gizmos?"
Yes. Of course I've seen them, but like all other arachnophobics, I know that no handle the manufacturer could realistically use could EVER be long enough to put the required distance between myself & the beast. I mean, some of these things are barely the length of a standard ruler.  That's 30 cms if it's a long time since your maths days. I would need a pole of at least 4m, forged from some naturally spider-repellant material to prevent unwanted charging in my direction. That level of thought is never going to go into a product of this nature, found as it usually is alongside automatic banana slicers, single gigantic heated slippers & battery-operated ear wax removers.

6)"But you have a cat. Does he not eat spiders?"
<Sighs>. I can't tell you how many people have told me that their cat aces the full spider tracking, catching & dispatchng service. If such felines exist, I have unfortunately never had the pleasure of owning one of them. The trouble with cats is that they SOMETIMES catch spiders & they SOMETIMES eat them. Mostly they do neither of these things properly. They mangle the beast to the degree that something has to be done about it before leaving it somewhere disturbingly visible or if they do dispatch it, ensure that the gory remains are left in as creative a spot as possible. Albert Whiskers has recently enjoyed splatting a large example to the stair wall, mashing it into the wallpaper as efficiently as possible so as to hinder removal attempts by my Rescuer from Such Things. So, if you have a cat which will deal properly with spiders, I can only envy you. As with everything involving Albert Whiskers, Tummy-Time tends to kick in before any non food-related task is completed.

So while these are beautiful & a harbinger of frosty mornings to come, they also signal for me a scary season of checking shoes & boots every time I put them on, peering nervously in the bath first thing each morning & jumping out of my skin every time I see a piece of black thread on the floor. Thank goodness I share my life with someone who is able to tackle even the freakiest monsters, or I should be a sorry mess indeed at this time of year!

Hope everyone's enjoying the late September sunshine.
Till next time,
C x

Tomato & ale chutney

Hi Friends,
I promised a couple of people this recipe, so here goes! Tomato & ale chutney. Yum! It really is a good one for so many things, especially a spoonful dolloped on top of cheese on toast before flashing it under the grill.

I snipped this recipe out of a gardening magazine ages ago - I can't remember which magazine, but it was definitely worth its cover price for this alone.

  Tomato & Ale Chutney

You will need:

2.5 kg ripe tomatoes (soft & imperfect ones are fine)
500g onions
500g sultanas
500g demerara sugar
500g malt vinegar
250ml full-flavoured ale*
2 tsp salt
1.5 tsp mixed spice
1.5 tsp ground black pepper
1 tsp cayenne pepper

*A good chance to support your local small brewery instead of a big multi-national corporation. I'm using this -

'Maid Marion' from the Springhead Brewery

Equipment needed - Large heavy-based pan, ideally a preserving pan, jam jars or kilner jars with tight-fitting lids, labels.

Instructions:
*Skin the tomatoes by pouring boiling water over them for a few minutes, before plunging into cold water.

The skins will now come off easily. Chop the tomatoes into small pieces.
*Chop the onions quite finely.
*Put the tomatoes, onions & all the other ingredients in the pan.

*Heat slowly, stirring until the sugar has dissolved.
*Bring it up to the boil, then reduce the heat & simmer for around 2 hours. It's hard to be exact with timings because some tomatoes are more watery than others.
*While you are waiting, wash the jars thoroughly in hot soapy water, rinse them & stack them on their side in a large roasting tray (or similar). Heat the oven to Gas 2, Put the tray of jars inside & reduce the heat to 'S' (or Gas 1/2 if you don't have the 'S' setting).
*Make sure you stir the chutney now & again to ensure that it isn't sticking on the bottom of the pan. If it does, it can catch & the burned flavour can permeate the finished product.
*After about 2 hours, the chutney should have reduced in volume & be thick, rich & sticky-looking. There shouldn't be a very noticeable layer of liquid on top of the pan. You can do a little test, by ladling a bit of chutney onto a plate & drawing a spoon through it to make a line. If this is impossible because of lots of liquid, then it needs a bit more cooking. If it's so thick & sticky that you could actually use it to make a modal stegosaurus or mortar brickwork, then I'm afraid you've over-cooked it.
*When it's ready for bottling, turn out the heat & remove the tray of jars from the oven. You need plenty of work surface for this, so have a quick declutter if you're a messy cook. Line up the jars (they will be HOT!) & give the chutney a good stir. Using a jam funnel if you have one, or a steady hand if you don't, carefully fill the jars, leaving about 1cm gap at the top. Check that there are no air bubbles in the jars. If so, they will need poking with a clean utensil to get rid of them as they can affect the keeping quality of the chutney.Using a clean cloth rung out in hot water, wipe the jar rims before screwing the lids on straight away.

*Label the jars, admire your efforts & think what a resourceful little Clever Trousers you have been.

Now, if you've not been able to resist dipping a cheeky spoon in to see what it tastes like, don't worry if it's initially a bit sharp & vinegary. It's perfectly fine to eat now, but this chutney matures to mellow loveliness after a couple of months, so it will be more than ready for a turkey sandwich. I find that home made chutneys usually keep well for a year in a dark pantry, but I do store them in the fridge when they're open (not that much lasts very long around here!)

So that's how to make a fab tomato & ale chutney. It's a very straightforward recipe, so a good one to try if you've never made chutney before. If you don't fancy it, & it sounds like too much effort when you can buy a jar off the peg, then I suggest you spend your time another way......maybe lying on the patio with your feet in the air as demonstrated by our friend below - 

....it works for him, anyway!
Cheers,
C x

Beetroot, beans, more beans, curry & stuff

Hello Friends,

This week, I have mostly been Doing Things With Beetroot. And when I haven't been doing that, I've been Doing Stuff with Beans. Shortly, just for variety, I will be Doing Stuff With Tomatoes. And peppers. And pears. It's just that time of year when all our veggie gardening efforts are repaid with baskets full of good things.

Here at the People & Cats Republic, we have a Love-Hate relationship with beetroot. I love it, the Big Hairy One can't stand it....which is fine, as it means there's all the more for me! For some reason that has so far eluded me, I am unable to grow beets much bigger than golf-ball size, but the flavour is always good. This year, I pickled some of my crop & ate the rest. I'd like to say I did something cheffy with them - a bit of a 'jus' with crumbled feta & watercress, served on a shard of slate, that kind of thing. The truth is, I was stuffing them into my face as quickly as I was peeling them. I know.......classy!

I always think it's a shame not to use the leaves, so I weighed out the best of these for a curry. I remember reading Madhur Jaffrey on the subject of curry leaves. Apparently, in India, people are much more creative in their choice of greens for 'saag' type of curries, using things like turnip tops, radish leaves, etc, whereas here, we would tend to go out & buy a bag of baby spinach.

We operate a zero food waste policy here, so these leafy beauties went into a batch of Spinach & chickpea curry. I can't take the credit for this recipe. It's from a book by Mridular Baljekar which I borrowed from the library many years ago, & would dearly love to buy, but it is no longer in print.

Spinach & chickpeas in chilli & garlic sauce

1 large onion, roughly chopped

2.5 cm piece of root ginger, peeled & roughly chopped

1 long green chilli, roughly chopped (I take the seeds out first)

3 tbsp olive or sunflower oil (I use 1 or 2 only)

1 tsp fennel seeds

8 cloves garlic, crushed

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp ground coriander

0.5 tsp turmeric

1 tsp chilli powder

1 tbsp tomato puree

400g can chickpeas, rinsed & drained

140ml warm water

225g finely chopped spinach (or substitute beet tops)

1 tsp salt

125g canned chopped tomatoes (inc juice)

0.5 tsp garam masala

Blitz the onion, ginger & chilli with a hand blender to make a puree. Heat the oil & sizzle the fennel seeds & garlic for 30 secs.  Add the cumin & coriander & pour in the pureed paste. Stir-fry for 5 mins. Add the turmeric, chilli powder, tomato puree & stir-fry for another 1 min. Add the drained chickpeas & the 140ml warm water. Bring it to the boil, cover & simmer for 10 mins. Add the finely chopped spinach & salt, increase the heat a little & stir-fry for 1 min until the spinach has wilted down & released its juices. Add the tomatoes & stir-fry for 7 mins. Add garam masala & stir-fry for 1 min. 

There you go, it's ready. Serve it with rice or any bread. It's filling & like all Mridula's recipes I've tried, tasty & inexpensive.

If you have LOTS of beet tops & TWO tins of chickpeas in your pantry, then it's worth doubling up, as this curry freezes really well. 

So that took care of this year's beets, both the roots & leaves. As for those sneaky plants which looked as though they were growing but cheated me by not producing a root, I'm not letting them win! Oh no.

 

Those have been left in the ground, & will be used to supply baby leaves for salads into the autumn months.

I can't pretend that veggie growing isn't hard work at times, but it's good for health & fitness & provides cheap food grown with zero chemicals. I might not be feeling quite so positive later this afternoon which I am likely to spend up to my armpits in runner beans & tomatoes!

Am heartily thankful for the sunny dry weather today, as Albert Whiskers has spent most of the bank holiday weekend on Wet Playtime. Of all the cats we've owned, Albert Whiskers takes the prize as 'Cat least happy about getting wet'. As he did sometimes have to go out for Essential Functions, bedroom doors were left firmly closed to prevent drying of paws on clean duvets. As Albert Whiskers had clearly hoped to spend the weekend like this.............

 

............he wasn't too impressed!

Hope there's someone somewhere out there who didn't have a soggy bank holiday. Off to slice my body-weight in beans now,

Till next time,

C x